The Real Resume Sh*t They Don’t Tell You About
You’ve updated your job title, fixed a few typos, and sent your resume out to the digital void, crossing your fingers. You followed all the classic advice: one-page, professional font, list your duties.
Then, nothing. Silence.
The truth is, most of the resume advice you’ve been given is outdated, ineffective, or simply wrong. Modern hiring doesn’t rely on a recruiter manually reading every document; it relies on robots and keyword algorithms.
Here is the real sh*t you need to know about writing a resume that actually lands interviews for those high-value roles.
Myth 1: A Resume Must Be One Page Long (BIGGEST LIE IN CAREER ADVICE)
This is the rule that haunts every professional, forcing you to gut valuable achievements just to maintain an outdated aesthetic. You’re told recruiters only look for 7 seconds, so brevity is key.
Reality: Recruiters Prefer Two Pages (And the Data Proves It)
The one-page rule was relevant when recruiters were manually shuffling paper. Today, with digital screening, quality and detail are winning.
A major study by ResumeGo found that recruiters were 2.3 times more likely to choose a two-page resume over a one-page resume in a simulated hiring process. Even more surprising: they spent almost twice as much time reading the two-page documents.
Why are two pages now the advantage, especially for the roles you want?
Evidence of impact: High-level, high-salary roles demand detailed evidence of strategy, leadership, and multi-year project management. Squeezing this proof onto one page makes you look like you lack experience or minimize your accomplishments.
The ATS Advantage: Two pages allow you to include more relevant keywords and quantifiable achievements without sacrificing readability.
The Fix: Length Is Earned, Not Limited
If you are early career (under 5 years): One page is still appropriate. You don’t have enough complex achievements yet to justify two pages.
If you are mid-level or senior (5+ years) and targeting strategic roles: Default to two pages. Use that space to write strong, detailed, quantified achievement statements. Don’t worry about the second page until you’ve confirmed that every single bullet point is a high-impact, relevant achievement.
Myth 2: A Resume Is Your Career History
The most damaging misconception is believing your resume is an autobiography - a thorough list of everything you did at every job.
Reality: Your Resume is a Marketing Document
Your resume’s only job is to sell your future potential for the specific role you’re applying for. Every single bullet point must be tailored to address the requirements of the job description.
Stop documenting tasks. Nobody cares that you “managed the calendar.”
Start demonstrating ROI (Return on Investment). Recruiters want to know the impact your calendar management had on efficiency, time savings, or executive focus.
If a job description focuses on “Salesforce Implementation”, your resume should highlight your experience with CRM data migration, even if your title was Office Assistant. If you can’t connect an old experience to a new requirement, delete it. If you can’t connect an old experience to a new requirement, delete it.
Myth 3: Focus on Fancy Formatting and Design
You spent hours perfecting that creative, multi-column template with a profile picture and cute graphics. It looks great, right?
Reality: ATS Software Will Break Your Beautiful Design
The vast majority of large companies use Applicant Tracking Systems (ATS) to filter candidates before a human ever sees the application.
ATS is a robot. It prefers simple, text-based documents. It struggles (and often fails) to properly read text placed in tables, columns, graphics, or headers/footers.
A “High Score” is Key. The ATS is primarily scoring your resume based on keyword matching and readability. If the system can’t accurately parse your text, your score drops, and you get rejected.
The Fix: Use a simple, one-column, chronological format. Stick to common fonts (Calibri, Times New Roman, Arial). Clarity trumps creativity. Save the fancy design for your portfolio website.
Myth 4: Use Generic Buzzwords to Sound Important
Recruiters are looking for evidence of soft skills, so you load up your summary with words like “motivated”, “synergy”, and “team player.”
Reality: If You Can’t Quantify It, It Doesn’t Count
Generic buzzwords are the white noise of resume writing - recruiters skip right over them. They want to see quantifiable achievements that prove those soft skills are real.
This is where the Two-Sentence Achievement Statement comes in:
Sentence 1 (Action & Skill): Start with a strong action verb and define what you did (highlighting a transferable skill).
Sentence 2 (Result & Quantification): Use numbers, percentages, or time saved to illustrate the impact.
Weak Bullet (Generic): Managed the social media accounts for the company. -- > Strong Bullet (Quantified Achievement): Spearheaded digital marketing strategy for three platforms, driving a 22% increase in audience engagement and traffic within six months.
Weak Bullet (Generic): Organized client files and paperwork efficiently. -- > Strong Bullet (Quantified Achievement): Instituted a new information governance system for 500+ clinet accounts, reducing file retrieval time by 35% and eliminating audit discrepancies.
The Final Step: The Mandatory Keyword Section
To guarantee you pass the ATS keyword test, you need a dedicated, clearly labeled Skills section (usually directly under your Professional Summary).
This isn’t a place for soft skills; it’s a place for hard, searchable keywords.
Software & Tools: Salesforce, HubSpot, SQL, Figma, Python
Methodologies: Agile, Scrum, Lean Six Sigma
Specific Skills: Executive Presentation, Financial Modeling, Cross-Cultural Communication
Your resume isn’t a static document; it’s a living tool that needs to be strategically optimized for every single job application. Stop writing a resume that looks backward. Write one that markets your forward potential.
